


Forever is not Enough

by Eravalefantasy, felandaris



Series: Alistair: His life, his love, his future [4]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 20:09:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4679732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eravalefantasy/pseuds/Eravalefantasy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/felandaris/pseuds/felandaris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Warden Commander Cousland searches for a cure for the taint before it claims her beloved Alistair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This piece would not have been possible without the sublime work of Felandaris. All NSFW portions of this story are the result of her amazing talent.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warden Commander Cousland leaves Weisshaupt in search of a cure for the taint, leaving Alistair behind.

_The Anderfels. Might as well be the Deep Roads, for all the blighted darkspawn. What in the Maker’s name am I doing out here? Alistair. That’s why I’m out here looking for some legendary rock in a dry deserted area filled with the blighted things._

Elissa could feel that familiar tug in her core again. More darkspawn.

“You could just try dancing about to get their attention; or just move your hips a little. That always works with me.”

Alistair wasn’t really there. She knew that. Somehow hearing his voice in her head kept her going simply because she needed a way to save him.  “You know, Lis, you are always so serious, you might try a little fun now and then.”

“Not now, Alistair. Darkspawn to fight, get out of my head.” Elissa said aloud.

“Well, what I am doing in your head?”

“You aren’t really here, this is all my imagination.”

“So then how can you be sure it’s me?”

Elissa charged the small group of four Hurlocks heading in her direction. With twin blades in hand she dispatched the first two to reach her. Stowing her blades, she grabbed her crossbow. Elissa loaded the exploding bolt and leapt backwards landing a well-placed shot to the head for the third. She rolled away in time to dodge the volley sent by the final Hurlock, and took him down from behind.

“I just talk with you to keep from going mad.”

“Riiight. You talk to yourself, pretending to be me while fighting darkspawn all to avoid going mad. Someone’s in denial.”

Elissa laughed. _Even in my head he’s adorable. Now move Lis, before there are more._

Several months prior, Elissa and Alistair had found more of Brother Genitivi’s accounts of his trip to the Anderfels. There in his notes was a bit of scribbling about a spring. It was hard to decipher, but the notes indicated that the taint from the Wardens was indeed reversible according to the account of a Warden he had met in the Wandering Hills.

Elissa would go. Alistair would remain and continue to voice their concern about the Wardens and their involvement with the Tevinter magisters. Elissa sat at her desk in their quarters, looking at the maps for some hidden answer to their problems.

“I should stay with you. There is something seriously wrong with the Wardens. It’s too soon. The other Warden-Commanders think we are heading for another Blight.”

“You don’t? Love, I can hear the sounds in my head. It’s there. When we are together somehow it’s diminished. What if it’s true?” Alistair was worried.

Elissa looked on her beloved. Each time she met his eyes like this she had to fight back the fear of what the taint would do to him. That is why she had to try, there had to be a way. “This is not a Blight. It’s something else. Alistair, do not give in to it. Promise me you will remain safe. Maybe I should wait. Maybe I can convince the others.”

“No, you need to see where this leads. Trust me, Lis. I am able to handle this. We’ve trained so many of these Wardens. They will see reason. I am sure of it.”

He looked on her worried face. Alistair smiled and sighed. “What will I do without you, Lis?”

Elissa took his hand in hers and placed it on her heart. “You’ll be here with me, always.” She watched as a little color moved to his cheeks. After all this time, he still could make her heart melt in the simplest of ways. She turned back to the maps and folded them up. She felt him behind her. He caressed the back of her neck with his thumb.

“Do we have time for a proper farewell?” He asked.

“What’s a proper farewell, love?” Elissa shivered. Alistair knelt beside her, kissed her behind her ear and whispered. “A proper farewell starts with me securing the door, which I have, and leading you away from this table.”

Elissa couldn’t help the grin from spreading across her face. It became a giggle when he hoisted her up and she found herself sinking into the softness of the bed- theirs for one more night.

And they were going to make that night count. Each and every bit of him she was going to commit to dear memory.

His hair, unruly yet soft to the touch; the liquid caramel of his eyes, blazing with emotion; his nose, rubbing against hers; those full lips, leaving hers to trace the outline of her jaw, then the curve of her neck; the gentle hands, cupping a breast through her leather cuirass; his legs, parting hers; the weight of his torso, leaving her breathless in the sweetest way; the heat of his crotch, grinding into hers.

Elissa arched into his caresses, her own hands working on his buckles and fastenings that seemed all the more intricate tonight. Still, they’d never shed their armor as quickly, afraid to waste a precious second of each other.

When they were skin to skin, Alistair held her stare as he traversed down her trembling body, his touch leaving goosebumps in its wake. Her wrists, her collarbones, her navel; her breasts, nipples and stomach; all were grazed with a pinch, a nuzzle, a bite. When the tip of his nose traced her hipbone she was squirming, ready.

Shaky fingers wound into tousled hair as he nipped at the top of her thigh. Moving to her other leg, he repeated the motion, biting down then lapping at the spot.

The touch of his face on her thatch of dark curls, his deep inhale of her most intimate scent had her moaning, her legs opening further in anticipation.

It took Elissa a second to recognize her voice in the wail that filled the room when Alistair’s lips found her center. She could feel his smile as she was parted and succumbed to the searing, final sensation of his mouth.

Every lick, every suckle made her writhe, whimper, made all of her beg for more.

When strong but deft digits joined the tug of his lips she tried not to count down time in her head, knowing she wouldn’t last much longer.

It was his own groan that sent her there, legs closing around his head as his name poured from her in a breathless chant.

There was barely a moment to recover as Elissa dragged him up, claiming his mouth for one last taste.

When they broke apart they lay for a moment, breathing each other in, stroking whatever patch of skin or hair they could find.Then Elissa was swept up by his broad palms on her back as Alistair rolled over, pulling her on top of him.

They remained like this for another indefinite amount of time, eyes locked in silent promises.

When she took him in the air left her lungs in a sigh as she sank down onto his length. Their rhythm was unhurried, and their fingers intertwined as their hips rose and fell.

Eventually Alistair beckoned her lean down. Practiced touch found plump breasts as he nursed at an aching peak. Raspy mumbles stroked her ear, of love, of life together.

Their pace picked up as a hand wandered down to where they were joined. Elissa pressed against his torso then, trying to mold herself into his body, remain one with him.

But they did find their end together, rocking through it, clinging to the other’s body with all they had. Whispering feverish affirmations even as climax released its hold on their suddenly heavy limbs.

Reluctantly Elissa slid off Alistair, wincing at the loss when he slipped from her. As soon as she was beside him he pulled the covers over them both. A light, sweet kiss was exchanged before they fell into a dreamless slumber.

Her arm never left his chest that night.

__

Elissa shook away the memories of that last night. Even just the thought of being with Alistair again sent a flush through her. _Focus, Lis_. She’d been searching for months. After a time, she’d found evidence of another Grey Warden.

First was the armor, battlemage by the look of it.  Elissa thought she was on the right track. As she moved on she found evidence of more Wardens. Nearing a ridge, she spotted a strange winking light on an outcropping of steppes. That’s the rock. It has to be.  She rode on faster, focused on some kind of metal object winking in the sunlight. As she neared the steppes, she saw it, the crest of the griffin. She pulled out her paper and charcoal and began to copy the stone. In her excitement, she did not hear the darkspawn heading towards her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair escapes to Ferelden with Hawke's help while Elissa searches for the path to their salvation.

Hawke had found Alistair, she’d helped him get to Ferelden. Hawke seemed to think that this new Inquisition might be a way to help the Wardens and take care of Corypheus. At least, Varric seemed to think so.

Alistair was hunted now, a supposed enemy of the Wardens. He hoped that somehow sense and reason could be seen by the Wardens before it was too late. The breach, Corypheus, the rifts - this was not a Blight. Elissa was right, this felt different. He could block out this false Calling, as long as he focused on her. In the night, in the silence, he could not ignore it.

He’d thought about going to Teagan, Alistair knew that he would be safe there and Teagan would not betray his location to anyone. The real problem: the Wardens would search Redcliffe first, of that he was certain. In the end Alistair had chosen Crestwood. The village had been decimated during the Blight.

“What’s a few more undead right?” Alistair said to Hawke before they parted company.

“Just find the place we talked about and stay there. I’m off to meet this Inquisitor.”

Alistair was able to stay just a few days ahead of those searching for him. He found the old smugglers location near the village of Crestwood. In the silence, the false Calling returned. Elissa. Please be safe, come back to me beloved.

In the Anderfels, it was only by Andraste’s grace that Elissa had survived. A party of Orth, the people who lived in the Wandering Hills had seen Elissa set upon by the group of darkspawn. They’d watched silently as she fought, taking down one after the other. It was only when one of their archers saw a darkspawn try to flank her that his arrows flew to her aid. The party descended on the darkspawn and fought alongside her until none stood.

Elissa was injured, yet not severely. She followed the scouting party back to their settlement and stayed for two nights, eager to be on her way.

“ _Did the King's bastard think he could prove himself? It's far too late for that. Your whole life you've left everything to more capable hands. The Archdemon, the throne of Ferelden. Who will you hide behind now?”_

_“Is that all its got? I've heard worse than that from Morrigan.”_

Elissa woke in a panic. Alistair is in the fade. How? Remember, Lis. What else did you see? Hawke and another woman, The Inquisitor. Hawke stayed behind in Alistair’s place.

She pushed herself to wake and ride again. Alistair was alive. If she continued to trust others to keep him safe, he would be lost. I need to find this spring and get Alistair back to it.

She had been warned to stay clear of the Western Approach. The wardens had all but abandoned Weisshaupt. She was told only a few remained, mostly those who assisted the First Warden.

Elissa entered Weisshaupt undetected. She found it deserted as was speculated. Elissa made her way to her quarters to pull together additional supplies. She shed her Warden armor and crest to be less noticeable. Elissa penned a letter to Alistair and left it under his pillow.

She picked up her bag and left as quickly as possible, hoping to be on her way long before anyone noted her presence.

 _Follow the images Lis._ Elissa found herself in the Northeast section of Tevinter, not far from Minrathous. A Warden in Tevinter was not unheard of, but given the current circumstances she would not be safe out in the open.

The city itself was a living ruin. Ancient and crumbling, once proud Minrathous stands through the strength of magic alone.  Elissa did not stop within the city boundaries.  She continued on towards the coast. Her destination: just beyond The High Reaches.  

It took Elissa what seemed a lifetime to find the cave.  She combed the coastline depicted in the rock and found nothing. After multiple passes, she saw it. A swath of green growth with blackness behind it, not the red and white of the rocks was there on her left, just past the second ridge.

Closing her eyes for a moment, Elissa took a deep breath and entered.  

“Welcome, Warden.” The voice was soft, inviting. Feminine at first listen, but not human. Elissa spoke with the spirit inside the cave at length.

She was told the consequences of their decision to remove the taint. The spirit warned that to continue was to accept to be bound by fate as long as life allowed.

_We already are. The question is will he agree?_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa returns to convince Alistair of the possibilities of a future together

Alistair had returned with the Wardens to Weisshaupt. Clarel was dead. So many more had been lost. Alistair sat in Elissa’s chair turning the letter over and over in his hands. He'd been back for days but could not being himself to open the letter. He thought about all the reasons she might write him. Did she find this place and decide to leave him?

Alistair replayed every word they spoke and reviewed every action to find where it had changed. Had it changed? What had he done? “Well, open it already!” He said aloud. But what if its bad news? What if she doesn’t want to come back? Alistair opened the letter and began to read.

_A-_

_I miss you more today than yesterday._

_I miss your face._

_I miss your voice._

_I miss that confused look that you probably have right now._

_I miss that silent chuckle you just let out as you realized I was right._

_I miss the color rising in your cheeks._

_I miss the way you lick your bottom lip._

_I miss the way you touch my neck with your perfect thumb._

_I miss your kisses all over my body._

_I miss your skin on mine._

_I miss your tongue on me._

_I miss holding on to you._

_I miss having you inside me._

_I miss the sounds you make._

_I miss reaching our peak together._

_I miss falling asleep in your arms._

_Turn the letter over for more, my love_

Alistair fanned the letter a little before turning it over. “Maker’s Breath, Lis.” He said to no one.  He turned the paper over and continued to read.

_Al, the next time you don’t listen to me and do something completely stupid like jumping head first into a Fade rift, I will feed your little puppets to Max._

_I love you, always._

“Hah! Oh, she is perfectly evil.  That’s my girl.” _It might be a good idea to hide my stuff just in case._

“This girl of yours, is she beautiful?” A soft voice asked.

“Lis?” Alistair looked on her face, a small smile spreading as she met his eyes. “You're really here.”

He quickly closed the distance between them and pulled her into his arms. “We need to hurry, if my love returns she can be really scary when she's angry.”

Elissa hugged him tightly and laughed. “I'm not that scary, Alistair.”

 “I don’t know, perhaps it depends on what I may have done wrong. Right now, I don't care. Just let me stay here. Like this. For the record, my love, I didn't exactly 'jump' head first into the Fade. I fell.” His face contorted in a mask of pain and sadness. “Hawke is gone. She stayed behind.  Lis, when will it end?”

Elissa sighed and sat down on the bed. “Alistair, we need to talk.”

Alistair's face fell.  “Oh?”

“I love you, more than anything in all this world. You know that right?”

Alistair's heart raced. “No, I am not going through this again, Elissa. I will not sleep with someone else, I will not accept you leaving me, and I simply do not accept any future where you are not with me.”

Elissa grabbed his hand and pulled him to her. “No, that’s not what I am saying, I mean, not really. What if there was a way to remove the taint permanently? Would you do that? Could you leave the Wardens, because once this is done, you may not be allowed to remain.”

“Lis, I don't like where this is going.” He pushed away from her.

“I was afraid of this. I'm sorry, Alistair. I know what all of this means to you. If the taint is taken away, the Wardens may not-”

“No! That's not what I am talking about. All you keep saying is that I would be the one leaving, I would be the one without the taint in my blood. You haven't said 'we' once. So just get it over with.  Tell me you are done with me and just . . . just go.” He turned away from her.  Elissa could see his pain reflected in the way he held himself up.

“Alistair, listen to me. I am not leaving you. Maker's blood! Look at me!”  He turned around. She watched as tears streamed down his face. “You don't know? Everything I have ever done is to keep you safe!” Elissa tried to keep her voice low and even, in spite of the fact that she was losing her composure. . “Remember Morrigan? I let her take you to bed. The night before we had to face the archdemon, I spent crying alone because she promised me you wouldn't die.  She had your child, Alistair. Not me.”

“Lis, wait-” He tried to interrupt.

“No. Let me finish. I came here with you. I have stayed here with you while looking for a way to cure the taint. Why? Because I cannot sit idly by and watch this claim you. Now I have found a way to stop the taint from taking you away from me. Please, I am trying to make you understand what I learned. If we do this, you will no longer be a Warden.  All we will be is ourselves. Is that enough for you? Could you give up being a Warden? You are one of the most dedicated and honorable men I have ever known. To ask you to give this up is difficult.”

“What If I were to say that I could not leave?” Alistair asked softly.

“Then we would remain. But I will continue to search. I will find a way, Alistair.” Elissa struggled to keep her voice even. She took several deep breaths and smiled. “So tell me about this Inquisition.”

Alistair simply stared. “No, I don’t think so.”  
  
“Why not?”

“Let’s see, you return after Maker knows how long, I can see you have new injuries. You tell me you found a way to free us both and that I have to choose between leaving the Wardens or losing you to a search for something we may never find. I’m sorry it’s a little much to digest.”

“I should have realized what being a Warden meant to you. Perhaps you are the true hero, Al. I thought we could just stop and be together, but it would be wrong of me to take you away from what is so clearly a part of you.” Elissa moved to her armoire and replenished more items into her pack. Crossing the room she stopped in front of him, kissed him gently. “I’ll see you soon. I love you, always.”

Elissa grabbed her pack and left.

“Maker's blood!”  Alistair stalked off after her. “Not this time!” Alistair grabbed Elissa by the waist and hoisted her over his shoulder.

“Alistair, put me down now!” She cried out.  

“I can't hear you.” He carried her back to their quarters and slammed the door. He placed her on the end of the bed. “Now you are going to listen, not a word until I am done.”

Alistair paced back and forth waving his arms about. “You did not even give me a chance. You could have just done that – thing- where I agree to whatever you want. But, you didn't. You want me to make my own decision.  Elissa nodded. “Fine. I will make a decision, but it is more than time to talk about _Morrigan_. I did what you asked for the same reason. I couldn't lose you. So if that meant Morrigan's bed was the way to guarantee that you walked away from that battle, I had to do it. I want nothing more than to make perfect little babies with you, have that idyllic life, and forget all of this. The problem here Elissa, is that you never asked me, you assumed what my answer would be.  Your assumption is wrong. You want to leave? Fine. I'm going with you. Take me to this place you found. Lis, I would follow you naked and unarmed into the Deep Roads to prove how much you mean to me.”

Elissa held in a laugh.

“Ok, not naked. That's really stupid, even for me.”

“You are not stupid, Alistair.” Elissa said.

“I didn't say you could talk, yet.  I'm not finished. Where was I?” Alistair asked.

“Naked and unarmed in the Deep Roads, apparently.” A laugh escaped her usual reserve. Alistair looked on his beloved, both their eyes slick with tears.

“To be gifted with such wit, Lis. You just aren't blessed like me.”

Elissa put her arms around his neck and held him tightly to her. “I'm so sorry, love.”

“All right, Lis. Tomorrow, we will set out for this place. We'll talk with whatever is there and then both decide what comes next.”

“Why not now?” Elissa asked pulling slightly away to see his face.

“Well, I realize that we did not have a proper hello when you arrived.” Alistair answered smiling.

“What is a proper hello, then?” Elissa teased.

“We're about to find out.”

____

When Alistair awoke. Elissa was gone. He panicked for a moment, until he saw her pack and weapons in the corner. The door to their chambers opened slowly and Elissa stepped inside. He watched her gently close the door in an attempt to let him sleep.

Alistair cleared his throat. He smiled as she turned to look at him. She was dressed in a simple blue shift, he recognized it as the one she often wore when she wanted to forget their obligations. He loved the color. It brought out the beautiful light in her eyes.

“What is that look all about?” Elissa asked. “You need to get up and dressed, please. We have quite a bit of land to traverse.” She sat on the bed and touched his hand. He took her hand in his and kissed her palm.

“You, my love, are even more beautiful today than yesterday.”

“Flatterer. But it won’t work. Get dressed now.” She admonished him for what she knew would be more distractions, as enticing as another day in bed together may be.

 “Remember what I said about being scary? That was it, right there.” Alistair said with a wink.

 “Al, now!”

 “Yes, ma’am.” Alistair replied.  Elissa laughed when she heard him mutter, “So bossy.”

 ___

 Elissa had arranged for several Dracolisks, as they were far better suited to the terrain. This time she could travel swiftly as she knew their destination.

 Alastair could see how tense Elissa was as they passed the Tevinter capital of Minrathous. _We must be close. She hasn’t spoken in hours._  

 The coast line came into view and Elissa found the entrance.

 “Inside is one of the Maker’s first children. She was trapped when the Maker tore the Fade away from the world. She can take the taint, but if she does, not only will she return to the Fade, but our spirits are bound in this life and the next. So I just want you to know that it’s all or nothing. Will you enter with me?”

 Alistair took her face in his hands and spoke softly. “So, not only do I get to grow old with you, but even after, you will always be there? Will you promise me that, Lis?”

 “Always, Alistair.”

 Alistair grabbed Elissa’s hand and pulled her inside. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felandaris' collaboration on this piece made it truly special. She captures the depth of emotion these two characters share. 
> 
> This is the final piece in a new series, appearing in the next few months.


End file.
